I am neural. If ever a day could not go right; that was Monday and I was a neurotic mess. I know the holidays are crazy but with all of the current events going on I’m on edge. It doesn’t help that Dave has a countdown until the end of the world…
http://thebluereview.org/i-am-adam-lanzas-mother/ (you’ll have to copy and paste this into your browser)
Our daily routine at work is to watch the Today show and eat bagels around the conference room table. The writer of the blog link, above, was being interviewed but very little was said about what she blogged except for the fact that it’s entitled, “I am Adam Lanza’s Mother.” We had payroll taxes to file and books to reconcile before the business closes for the holidays; but both Dave’s mom and I sat in front of the computer screen and read, aloud, what this mom had to say. After reading, we both sat in silence; filled with empathy for this woman.
We keep hearing about gun control, blah, blah, blah but it’s just smoke and mirrors. What about mental health? The DSM-V (Diagnostic & Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders), the Bible for mental health professionals, just recently announced that Asperger’s would be under the umbrella of autism spectrum disorders. What is Asperger’s? It’s the term used when all other forms of autism are ruled out. Usually it’s a child that has higher cognitive abilities but, socially, is withdrawn; non-verbal. The child lacks empathy. The data on this syndrome is inconclusive hence the American Psychiatric Association has proposed to place this under the autism spectrum.
If someone has a mental disorder and is as angry as Adam Lanza, that person will find access to a gun; whether there are gun restrictions or not. I’m feeling a little mental, myself. I feel like anything mental is the new leprosy; something we know that is there but don’t want to acknowledge. The white elephant in the room. It gets on my last nerve that this is being overlooked.
The other thing that has been bothering me is this. Does anyone know when Jesus was actually born? I kind of feel like a fraud telling my kids that Christmas day is Jesus’ birthday when there is no conclusive evidence. I like history so for the past few days I’ve been reading various articles about the time of year and date of his birth.
This is where my conflict lies. Brain vs. Heart. I am a black & white, left-brained, neural person. I believe in Darwinism and enjoy Mendel’s genetic findings (he was a monk by the way). But I also believe in FAITH; religion, a higher power. People call their higher power different things but they BELIEVE, blindly. Why am I searching for the origins of the birth of Christ? I believe in him, right? Why do I need to figure out the mental capacity of Adam Lanza? Why do I need to have the neurological etiology of Asperger’s, or any mental disorder? Why would a God allow something like Newtown, CT to happen? This whole weekend has been a litany of, “Why? Why? Why!!!”
I’m focusing on the black and forgetting the white space again. I guess it just is. I’m having a hard time accepting that answer. I can continue to be nervous and neurotic. But I have to let it go into the white space and believe there is good. Ann Curry blogged online to share an act of kindness, in lieu of what happened in Connecticut. Let’s remember the GOOD in people; not dwell on the bad. It’s a week before Christmas. I need to just lay it down before Him.