Cassius:“The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars, But in ourselves, that we are underlings.”Julius Caesar (I, ii, 140-141)
At 10:15 AM, this morning, I reached for the Dove dark chocolate; unleashed it’s rich, dark beauty from the red foil wrapping, and placed the morsel in my mouth. I always tell myself to enjoy it and to let it melt in my mouth but rare that I actually do this. I can’t help it. Mid-melt I have to chew it and quickly grab another to satisfy my chocolate craving. I was hungry since we do not eat until after we come home from church services.
The fact is: I lack discipline. I am a glutton; always have been. Patience and delayed gratification are not my strongest suits and, as an only child; I am accustomed to having my way. As Cassius tell Brutus, above, the fault is not in our stars; but in ourselves. The basic, animal instincts of human nature drive us to make our choices. Giving up control to the stars, fate or a higher power is against our human nature. Striving to find balance these next forty days of Lent will definitely test my mettle. Focus.
Each Saturday morning I awaken and see the accumulated mess, called my home. So I got to work, once again irritated, with my messy family. But I tried really hard to focus on other things, humming Ellie Goulding’s, “Lights” as I shop vac’d, vacuumed, mopped, etc. I bit my tongue. The Valentine’s day decor came down and after several loads of laundry and cleaning my entire house, I sat down with my Kindle.
The Kindle was given to me as a gift from bookclub when I moved away from San Diego. For several months I had held onto the paper gift certificate; unsure if I really wanted to give up the tactile feel of books, page numbers and dog earred pages. The true gift given was sharing my love of books; which I still do with the current bookclub I’m in.
For Valentine’s day Dave loaded my Kindle with several books I have been wanting to read and one of them was The Fault in our Stars by John Green. Its content is cancer; a teenager dealing with diagnosis and relationships with others, like her. I was forewarned I would cry. I began this book at 6:30 PM, yesterday, and completed the final page at 12:30 AM; uninterrupted with tears streaming down my face. Next on my list, Cutting for Stone by Abraham Verghese and after that, Steve Jobs’ biography. I sat on the floor, next to our bed, charging my electronic device. Unawares, I snapped this pic of Dave, a little unkempt, as I read. He was lost in thought. I call him my Zero Dark Forty (aka Ben Affleck). LOL.
Friday was a scurry of activity. But one of the things I am trying to do is carve out, “me” time and so my sunrise walk with the dog is one of them. I love being up at the crack of dawn and there’s nothing like being outside in the pre-dawn air observing the sun rise. I will be sad when daylight savings time returns in March. I enjoy the dark stillness before the day begins.
My book reading list formed when I had lunch with my Chinese girlfriends. They have observed my crazy Chinese New Year festivities, these past two years, and decided they were going to see how Chinese I would go. Thus we ended up having dim sum. Since it was Friday there was a lot of seafood; something I promptly forgot when my girlfriends had me try chicken feet. I balked, for a second, completely forgetting my no meat on Fridays as I was told to bite a digit and suck the skin off. It tasted good, like duck actually, but it is an acquired texture thing for me. Interesting. Does chicken skin count as meat? There definitely was not a lot of meat on the chicken feet bones. Amongst our dim sum and tea we shared titles of books. So many books, too little time. They’re already plotting on the next dim sum place and introducing me to unique Chinese delicacies.
Time to enjoy our President’s day weekend! The sun is shining and the Kindle is beckoning, read me….