bubbles

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I sat upon my bed, last eve, watching the waning rays of the sun fade into gray.  Another sunset.  It is my most favorite time of day.

I currently read Paradise in Plain Sight which is affirming what I am feeling.  I saw the words on my Kindle; answering my unspoken questions.  I was reminded of the lei sitting idly in my refrigerator.  I read how flowers fade and, for the most part, people don’t become attached to them or pay attention to them;  until they are gone.  Then they appreciate the blooms’ short life spans; the beauty it brought for brief moments.

paradise in plain sight

I descended my stairs to return with the wilting blooms that were worn by my son for his 8th grade promotion.  Flowers are impractical and do not last.  But I still am drawn to them; their fragile petals and fragrance lifting my spirits.  I wear the dilapidated lei around my neck as I read about Zen gardens and universal truths.

I let go of the past and future.  I focus on what is before me right now.  I know these flowers will die but I can appreciate the vibrant hues of violet and  contrasting white against the bright white Kindle page.  The evening settles in as birds nest within our trees in our backyard.  My house is still.  This is my paradise.

Until the argument downstairs interrupts my reverie.  But that’s okay.  I enjoyed that moment while it lasted.  I am training myself to seek these stolen moments of time to cherish; for the rest of my hours allotted in my life.  I know there will be days when I can’t find them.  But  when I do, I will squirrel them away like treasures.

Life is not meant to live within bubbles.

I hear people tell others, they like to avoid the drama; to not get involved.  I normally endorse this, reciting this same phrase to my own children.  But recent events have had me rethink my mindset.  My beloved cousin typed it succinctly.

we all have our own lives and get wrapped up in our respective bubbles.

Because what is a life worth living if you don’t engage in it?  If you choose to remain in your bubble to avoid drama; but also the benefits of relationship?  My a-ha moment of clarity came last evening as the orchid lei’s fragrance permeated my senses.   Part of living is stepping out of your bubble; to learn.   To grow.  It is easy to point fingers and choose not to live, to lead a life.  It is much harder to go after what you want; to blaze trails.  Those who choose to stay safe fear what others think of them.   Fear.   Rejection.   Relationship.

Life isn’t always a bed of roses.  The thorns.  They cut deep.

Words, they finally return.  I am closing a chapter and, like Natasha Bedingfield’s song, “Unwritten,” embrace the blank, open page; arms wide open.  Before my mind registered what I had typed, I hit send to my girlfriend; one who has always stood by me.

When you stop loving what you do…why do it?

To burst someone’s bubble: Fig. to destroy someone’s illusion or delusion; to destroy someone’s fantasy.  ~www.idioms.thefreedictionary.com

My mind and my actions are aligned.   I have found my inner Zen in the stillness of the bubble I wanted to create around me.  For days I have sat quietly to purge my racing thoughts to find words.  To hear them.  To push through them.  It was finally the hubs who pierced through my iridescent barrier; using his words.   With his sharpened sword the adjectives and verbs were painful to hear and acknowledge.  I know he will fight the world for me.  My dark knight; he always has my back.

I turn the page, pen in hand.  I am ready.

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