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the FG gal in negative space

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This holiday season I strive to be something different.  I hope that it will take me beyond these next two months into the days, weeks and years beyond.  I am working towards becoming the FG gal.  I’m already the fastener gal…but I hope to be the forgiving and gracious one as well.

Forgiveness.  Grace.

I organize my physical world to take inventory; to appreciate what it is I already have.   I currently clean the home to prepare for the upcoming festivities and holidays.  This Friday seven bridesmaids, a flower girl, three moms and a bride will ready themselves within our four walls for what promises to be a beautiful wedding.  I hope our electrical circuits can withstand all those curling irons and hairdryers.

But I also work on my neural circuitry to make sure my mental state is prepared for the surge of the season of thanks and giving.  When my circuits are on overload I prepare for my mental back-up; the reminder to stay grounded instead of blowing up; aflame.

Each day I repeat what I am grateful for.  The health of my sons, the stability of my marriage.  The wealth of wisdom and knowledge of the relationships surrounding me.  I have pared down my life, creating negative space, rotating the lens in sharper focus to clearly see.  But the light is harsh and the lines are drawn.  I must choose to purge or forgive.

Recently I sat amongst sixty plus adults in a two hour meeting.  It came as a shock when accusations flew; the room eerily silent and uncomfortable.  I wished to flee this negative space; to distance myself from the inappropriate public altercation.  This has been my mantra for almost five months when heated words and faulty expectations whirled about me.

It is easy to walk away; much harder to forgive and grant grace.  The desire to win, to be right, immediately surges; destroying all paths to compromise and collaboration in its wake.   I’ve replaced the softer, rose-colored lens with the non-filtered, wide angle one.  I point and shoot at the subject in my viewfinder; using negative space to compose the shot to create my art.  In my photos.  In my life.

And then I packed the camera away.

To see with my own two eyes instead of a lens.  I want the light to reflect off my corneas instead of the elaborate filters and mirrors housed in my camera body and lens barrel.  Fault can easily be found in the harsh, unforgiving light.

Whether I sit in a business seminar, a booster or PTA meeting or family gathering; drama always makes its way to the forefront.  The objective this holiday season is to re-compose the negative by creating a positive focal point to create my own life’s artistic relief.  To forgive.  To grant humble grace.

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Drama becomes entertainment if you allow it to be.

I hugged the woman thrown into the fray in the public setting.  I deleted the nasty email to be sent to the alpha mom from school.  I offered my remaining saved seat  in a packed stadium to the mom whose son continues to badger my own.  My lips remain closed at a function when a person I dislike stood within our group.  I chose to remember the importance of family while slighted at a gathering.  The fault does not need to be the star in my  ‘rendition of life’ play.  I can choose to re-focus.  To always find the good; no matter how minute that might be.

And so I create the negative space in my mind; the place where the bad things go.  Yes, I still must take stock and acknowledge the unsavory.  But now it is allocated a temporary place.  It doesn’t lodge deep in the caverns of my heart.   It is pondered upon and placed in the delete files; the mental purging to free up resources.

I expend my energy where it should be;  the good.  May you find happiness and simplicity this season and purge your negative spaces.  Forgive.  Grant Grace.

 

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