The hubs and I found ourselves sitting in the little kid chairs in the crowded room; intently staring as the numbers flashed upon the screen. My number soon appeared and in I went.
Within five minutes I returned and the hubs and I walked out into the bright light and heat beyond; the weekend beckoning. He proffered his arm, as all military men do, and I looped my own within. Three days later I walked into our offices; the piles of work awaiting. I quickly logged onto my computer and the Valentine’s screensaver filled my screen; replacing the Windows login. And then the phone rang and my day began.
The week ended with another phone call; one I kept missing and not really wanting to receive. In the midst of a task, the hubs heard my questions and sat alongside; my notepad filled with squiggles and doodles. I thanked the nurse and replaced the phone on the cradle, turning to my hubs and sharing what I had suspected. I matter-of-factly told him of the scheduled tests and appointments; only looking away when his eyes filled with liquid. Life happens I say to him; the busyness of our business erasing the moment. He stood and quickly strode away.
said I can’t go on, not in this way
I’m a dream that died by light of day
gonna hold up half the sky and say
only I own me
and I feel my heart beating
I feel my heart underneath my skin
oh I can feel my heart beating
cause you make me feel
like I’m alive again
oh you make me feel
like I’m alive again
turn your magic on, Umi she’d say
everything you want’s a dream away
under this pressure under this weight
we are diamonds taking shape
we are diamonds taking shape ~ Coldplay
I sometimes feel like I go up and down stairs not really getting anywhere; stuck in-the same place. That deja vu feeling stayed with me these past few days as I finally completed the last of my unwanted financial tasks. The audit now sits complete and packed away in a bag; ready to hand-off. It is done.
I crank up the Coldplay song and let it fill me, as only music can; filling the void. Life has hardened me to its ability to take things away and at a young age; I had journeyed alone. The bff across the miles understood this as we continue to live our parallel lives and it was only when my paths crossed with my future husband; that I shared the adventure of a lifetime. There were years where our paths diverged as he served active duty and I remained home raising three young sons. But being an only child taught me to be comfortable in solitude and I found strength in being able to do it alone. We’ve weathered our storms, over the years, but I know this man always has my back.
It’s Lent and so each day I receive an email on “What to Give Up.” My goal was to discipline myself to not take second portions. I fought the physician’s orders to take the med which will, most likely, cause weight gain. I read the bff’s text, and all that it implied, from 2,000 miles away; from a gym as her daughter scored another point at her basketball game.
Vanity is a small price to pay.
I stood in the crowded courtyard, silently watching as my eldest huddled in a group of teens and leaders in prayer after a weekend confirmation retreat. I was surprised, on Tuesday morning, when he wore it to school; this son who only wears solid colors and polo shirts. To Pursue. Romans 14:17-19. NLT.
17 For the Kingdom of God is not a matter of what we eat or drink, but of living a life of goodness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit. 18 If you serve Christ with this attitude, you will please God, and others will approve of you, too. 19 So then, let us aim for harmony in the church and try to build each other up.
The message: To continue to pursue his Catholic faith in a society that doesn’t value it. To pursue his dreams in a world of chaos and instant gratification.
The definition of the word pursue is to follow, catch or get involved with something over a prolonged period of time.
Our children have been raised in a world where everything is instantaneous and now. My sons are not accustomed to having to look up words in a dictionary, search for topics in an encyclopedia or use cards in a library. They build relationships online via gaming, texting or Skype. Gone are the days where you see teenage boys with arms around one another; working together and most definitely not in prayer. The Catholic faith has taken a beating in this last decade and as a parent I struggled on how to keep my sons in my faith.
It was as he walked out the door to leave for school that my eyes welled up; heart overcome. He chose to wear his t-shirt. I hope he continues to pursue who he is, his faith, and his dreams.
b : to follow up or proceed with <pursue an argument> “Pursue” Def. 4b. Merriam Webster Online, Merriam Webster, n.d. Web. 21 Feb. 2016.
I found myself in another office, in a discussion I had hoped to resolve last fall. To my surprise, my opportunity had come to pursue this sensitive topic once again, at his request. I quickly mentally weighed the pros and cons; pondering if this discussion would provide closure for myself or for the person involved. I chose harmony and building him up versus words and details that were unproductive and would wear him down. I am a person full of words who yearns to share them. I fought the urge to let them fall where they may.
There are times in life where we need to know when we need to pursue and when to let things work themselves out.
The adventures we live are sometimes not of our choosing. My life isn’t always full of joy and peace or goodness. It is our attitudes, on how we choose to deal with life’s obstacles, that makes life worth pursuing. To those who always have my back, I thank you.
if we’ve only got this life
this adventure oh then I
and if we’ve only got this life
you get me through
and if we’ve only got this life
in this adventure oh then I
want to share it with you~ Coldplay